Self-awareness is the ability to look inward and view how actions, thoughts, or emotions do or do not align with behavior.

How well do you know yourself? It’s a basic question, but I find that a lot of people, women and girls in particular, spend more time thinking of others and less time getting to know who they are authentically.  

Three areas that I frequently see and could be helped by some self-awareness practice are food issues, direction focus issues, and problems with communication. Let’s take a look at what can be done at home to improve self-awareness and bring on some self-love.

*If you have experienced sexual assault, get away, get safe, and seek help from a licensed psychologist who is experienced with sexual assault, and is the gender with which you identify. Sexual assault should not be something you work out by yourself, with a friend, or in life coaching. You are worthy of healing.

*If you are experiencing thoughts of harming yourself, call 911 immediately so that you can receive safe and appropriate care. You are worthy of life.

Food Issues: In the “knowing they self” realm, food issues can be due to not being allowed to experience and express one’s own hunger and fullness because of feeding “schedules”, weight watching, advertisements, and parents who ‘know best’. These scenarios sabotage our personal understanding of what we need and want as fuel and taste.

Try this: Sit quietly after you are awake, and ask yourself am I thirsty, am I hungry, am I full.”

 When you perceive the answer, honor it by either asking yourself what you are hungry or thirsty for, or by going on with a task if you feel full from the night before.

When you pack your lunch or eat lunch out, again ask yourself, what am I hungry and thirsty for, and what is the purpose of this refueling.” Continue to practice this until you understand what your body is asking for because it will tell you.

Your body knows if you need hydration, protein, carbs, or fun with friends. Your body knows if you have eaten enough, or if it cannot handle gluten, sugar, or alcohol. If you tune out the outside noise and tune into your body. You will feel physically, mentally, and emotionally better. It is ok to eat.

Lack of Direction Issues: Feeling purposeless or like you don’t fit is more common than one would think. We are often raised in the societal norms of “You can do anything you put your mind to,” “Work harder and you will achieve your goals,” and “You must have a college degree to succeed.” These norms may be toxic to your personal mental health and self-awareness.

Try this: Start by writing a narrative on how you want to live.

For example: I want to live in a city of about 70,000 people in a neighborhood that feels alive with people walking dogs, coming home from activities, and speaking to each other on the sidewalk.

I want a job I can do from home, with enough money to cook healthy foods, go out to eat once a week, vacation once per year, and purchase basic items needed.

Next, find jobs that fits your criteria, and make the adjustments you need to obtain it. Here is the purposeful part. You decide what you want, and you figure out what you need to do to make it happen. Do you need certification? – get it, do you need to get a roommate? – do it, do you need to audition? – practice and follow through, do you need to create a resume or CV? – create it. Do you need to cut down on spending?  -make a budget and follow it.

Your mind knows what your purpose is because you dream it, long for it, and think about it often. The work is listening, writing it down so it can be understood and manifested, and following through. No one but you can tell you what your purpose is.

Communication Issues: Communication is a full-blown self-awareness construct. One must understand one’s own biases, passions, needs, and wants in order to communicate with other humans effectively. A person who doesn’t understand self finds it difficult to relate to another person. When in an argument, if you don’t know where you stand, neither will the person with whom you are fighting. If you vote, but do not know where you stand on the issues then your vote won’t represent your needs. If you work, but don’t feel fulfilled, you may not know what you want to do and therefore cannot set reasonable boundaries and expectations.

Try this: Begin a journal and answer the following questions in detail:

What do I like about myself including personality, looks, and overall health.  

What do I dislike about myself including personality, looks, and overall health. What am I willing to do to change the things I don’t like. (Work with a life coach to start the changes.)

Next, answer the following questions about your beliefs:

What are my feelings and thoughts about spirituality, people who look/behave differently from me, and the political topics being socially discussed.  

Lastly, answer the following questions about relationships:

What do I bring to the relationship table, what do I want from a partner, what is worth fighting over, and what will I let go of because it is just annoying.

Once you understand yourself, your biases, and your boundaries. Communication becomes a tool for success instead of a conduit for an argument and misunderstanding.