I’m usually not a buzz word type of life coach, but when I asked what my next blog should be about, the resounding answer was red and green flags. Oof was my first thought, you can see these answers everywhere on social media, but then I realized that there needs to be a bit more substance to the answers. Red flags are warnings of danger. Green flags indicate that it is safe to proceed. I chose to do three significant flags for each.
Red Flags in relationships and work:
- Thinking a person will be better, easier to work for, or more loving after they change
or you do.
Noone can change another person and you should make changes only for yourself; never change to gain love, respect, or better pay from another person. The relationship is unhealthy if your significant other, boss, or family member emotionally abuses you through controlling your actions, limiting your interactions, or by telling you they would love you more or promote you if you lost weight, changed, or dressed/acted differently. Move on, change jobs, or limit contact.
- Hearing consistent complaints about yourself, your friends, or your family.
Everyone gets moody, but consistent complaining is not normal. Once again, move on, ask to be supervised by someone else, or limit contact.
- Does not communicate emotions or discuss solutions to problems.
In a relationship this may come across as ignoring, blaming, or even violent behavior. In a work situation it may look like vague directions, gate keeping information, or improper training. Violence is never OK, leave the situation immediately. Other communication issues can be managed and changed with the help of a counselor or human resources manager.
Green Flags in relationships and work:
- Respects who you are currently and supports your personal and professional growth.
People who care about you for real do not expect you to change but support you when
you grow. This looks like listening to your ideas, asking clarifying questions, and cheering for you.
- Communicates openly and works on solutions to problems when needed.
Open communication and problem solving include expressing emotions and needs,
asking clarifying questions, and respecting the ones with whom you are working. People who communicate well speak and listen respectfully.
- Practices self-care independently and has healthy habits.
Self-care is the ongoing practice of doing things that keep your mind, body, and
emotions healthy. This may look like good hygiene, going out with friends, going to counseling, and spending time alone resting or engaging in hobbies that make a person feel good.
“A healthy relationship will never require you to sacrifice your friends, your dreams, or your dignity.” – Dinkar Kalotra