A is for Authentic

One would think that being authentic would come naturally, but it doesn’t. Being self is hard, but don’t worry. I have some tips.

Being authentic first means knowing self. Sadly, this is a problem for our population. Many people, especially Americans, have spent a lot of time following rules, trying to fit in, and trying to be what others say they should be. When was the last time most of us took a breath and answered the questions, “who am I and what do I want?” In the struggle to be authentic start with asking why.

You may start by answering the following questions:

           The Why of Me: Questions for improving self-awareness.

What are the circumstances of your birth? Are you proud to tell this story? Why or why not?

Name 5 people who remind you of yourself. Why do they remind you of you?

List your favorites: Accent, Subject in school, Animal, Sound to listen to, and Place of refuge.

Why are each of these your favorites?

What is the angriest you have ever been? Why?

When and why did you feel the following emotions? Joy, Disgust, Admiration, Helpless, and Whimsical

What film made you see things in a different way? Why?

              What is your favorite book? Why?

              What 5 qualities do you want in a life partner? Why?

               What 3 things do you want to accomplish before you die? Why?

              Why do you think the why of things may be important?

Only 1.1 % of the world’s population are millionaires, and less than 1% of the overall population plays professional sports. We as a group, however, spend a lot of time trying to get rich, getting into jobs that promise wealth, and spending great amounts of time training, playing, and attempting sports scholarships. Does this process help us know ourselves better?

What we do know about authenticity, is that after knowing the why of things we need to know the peace of things. This is usually connected to happiness.  Factors like a healthy work environment, fair compensation, access to healthcare benefits, and opportunities for successful development and advancement make people happier at work but doesn’t always carry over to happy in life. What seems to allude the masses is how we get from happy children to miserable adults.

One of the things I teach in my practice is how to meet needs by using our belief systems. The first step is deciding on what one values. 5 examples might be: I value freedom. I value unconditional love. I value a job well done. I value fair compensation. I value nature. The second step is acknowledging the needs we have. The circle I usually start with has the following: purpose, finances, fun, sex, communication, respect, affection, and education. People are always surprised by fun and sex. Each one of these areas is an absolute need that must be nurtured and understood. Many people do not grasp that having fun is a need, and many confuse sex and affection. I’ll only touch on fun here for the sake of blog length, but engaging in sessions for even just this area is worth your time and energy. Coming in second to why is the question, “where did play go?”

Playing is important to children because it is the primary way they learn new skills. Playing and having fun as an adult is important because it is the primary way adults destress and improve mental health.

Big movement fun is good for regulating emotion. Swinging a bat, swinging a racket, running, kicking a ball, or even painting a mural using large strokes are just a few ways to deal with big emotions.

Engaging in board games helps clear away mental fog, encourages connection, and reduces depression.

Creating scenarios like the ones in Dungeons and Dragons activates the imagination as well as helping train your brain to solve problems.

Play that invokes laughter reduces stress, teaches empathy and trust, and keeps the body physically young.

You have what it takes to learn who you are and what you want. You have the ability to rebuild fun in your life. You are worthy of being authentic you.

“The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So, write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can.”  

-Neil Gaiman