Life can be difficult for everyone regardless of status or background. Distress Tolerance is using our own abilities and tools to manage these difficulties in a healthy way.

Handling emotions well improves personal balance, keeps relationships intact, and often keeps a person out of jail or rehab. Distress Tolerance for emotional well being is paramount to a better life.

So, how do we practice distress tolerance? I’m glad you asked. Here are some tips:

Know yourself. This includes knowing your limits, your biases, your needs, and your emotional triggers. So get out your journal, yes, your journal, and start writing about yourself until you have disclosed your thoughts and feelings on all 4 topics above. Be honest, no one needs to read this but you.

Create a Distraction Plan. As I stated above, life is difficult. Before we react, we may need to distract. Distraction ideas may look like this:
a. Have a quote or verse that you have memorized and can bring to mind when toxic thoughts try to take over. For example: The Best Fighter is Never Angry by Lao Tzu.
b. Move your body. (For example: Clean the house, go for a run, or dance in the kitchen.) Emotion needs motion.
c. Work on a project or create some art. Your mind needs a hot minute to process and calm down.

REST.
a. Relax: Call a friend, take a walk, enjoy a bath, read a book, cook and eat a healthy meal, or take a nap.
b. Evaluate: Look at the situations with fresh eyes and use your values to filter your decision. (For example: If I value respect, I won’t belittle my colleague in front of our boss even when I’m angry.)
c. Set an intention: Make a plan that stays within your value system. (For example: I intend to speak to my colleague about their behavior.)
d. Take action: Use the intention that you thoughtfully planned out to bring resolution. (For example: Set up a date/meeting to discuss the distressing situation calmly – bring a mediator if you feel you need support to stay calm.)

“He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.” -Lao Tzu