I get a lot of calls from parents who are heartbroken, fed up, or exhausted because their adolescent child is wreaking havoc in the home. “I just want peace,” they say. I counter with, “teens need a lot of grace and a few boundaries.” What is a parent to do?
Four of my favorite parenting books are as follows:
- You Can’t Make Me, but I can be persuaded by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias
- Why Do They Act That Way: by David Walsh, Ph.D.
- 5 Needs your child Must Have Met at Home by Ron Hutchcraft
- Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen, Ed.D.
These books are filled with ideas that produce results if our minds are open to the work it takes to live in peace with that adolescent who has stolen our hearts, minds, and patience all at the same time.
Relationship is to balance as grace is to boundaries. Too often we step into situations with too little sleep, too much stress, and too many unreasonable expectations.
As a parent, every time you feel you need sleep, food, a break from life, or a drink; know that it is likely that your teen feels the same way. Unfortunately, it is in these moments that we see Mr. Hyde instead of Dr. Jekyll through crippling styles of authority instead of reasonable parental guidance. Instead of boundaries, grace, and reason; we show blame, hypocrisy, anger, and manipulation.
Cooperation based on mutual respect and shared responsibility is more effective than authoritarian control. One more time: Cooperation based on mutual respect and shared responsibility is more effective than authoritarian control.
Start here -> Make sure your child is safe. Listen to their side of the story. Work with your child in order to solve the issue. Read one or all of the books mentioned above for a long-term plan. Together you can thrive.