It’s a bit strange that we tend to expect and even try to rustle up joy and holiday spirit in December; but often feel sad, overworked, and angry. No matter what holidays are celebrated, there may be expectation of meal prep or gift giving when money is tight, getting together with family who you may have difficulties, and fitting in end of year deadlines at work.
I have some tips that will help you uncover authentic self, get along better with others, and find joy!
Review personal values. When we are balanced, we will use values to meet needs. Values show what is important, worthy, and deserving. They are heart and spine. Write at least 5 values down on paper. Start with the words, “I value…” Some examples are as follows: I value hard work, I value time spent with others, I value alone time, I value respect, or I value authenticity. Everyone is entitled to their own values. No one’s values are better than anyone else’s. It is reasonable to act on our values as long as that action does not hurt any living being.
If you value time spent together and don’t have money to buy expensive gifts or foods, then don’t go broke doing so. Give gifts of time, have guests bring a dish to pass, or make a meal together. If you value alone time, but want to share in family get togethers, set a curfew for yourself and prepare for time by yourself at home. If you value money (no judgements) then lavish yourself and loved ones with the best gifts money can buy or pay someone to make a meal so those you love don’t have to so. The point is to live by your values instead of in someone else’s construct.
Find the Middle Way and use your Wise Mind. The Middle Way is a Buddhist teaching that finds the middle path between extreme self-denial and extreme self-indulgence. Start by writing down ways that you deny your needs and wants. A good guide to this is what you feel bitter about. Then write down where you may be self-indulging. A good guide to this is what you may feel guilty about. Walking the Middle Way takes time and practice. You will know you are on the path when you can see at least two sides to every situation, you avoid overthinking, and you feel a sense of inner peace.
Using your Wise Mind is similar except you review emotions instead of actions. Using only your emotional mind is letting your feelings alone determine your decisions and behavior. Using your Logical mind is when you approach a situation with only intellect. Using your Wise Mind is when you give equal importance to emotions and intellect in order to make a wise decision.
Build happiness. Happiness doesn’t come to us, we have to work the steps. Start by writing down or stating aloud 3 things you are grateful for each day. Make a conscious effort to do something kind every day. Move your body because emotion needs motion; if you are angry exercise big and fast, if you are sad walk or swim. Take time to learn and practice meditation. Journal by writing or drawing events, feelings, or dreams. Practicing all these things regularly will help build happiness.
If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change it, change your attitude. – May Angelou