It’s my opinion that deadly comparison starts when we are very young. On the playground it’s what kind of snacks the parent brings or if you have a parent at all. In middle school, it’s bra size and jock size, the right clothes and puberty. In high school, it’s who is smarter, prettier, more ripped, richest, and most popular. It doesn’t stop here though, as we age it continues. “Have you been to University? Oh, yea, which one?” “Do you have a retirement plan?” “ Do you rent or own?” The list continues and it is long. Social media and advertising makes us more painfully aware of the comparisons, as total strangers comment on the most normal things posted, making sport of weight, looks, brands. Comparison is devastating to our mental health, but how do we stand on our own with the weight of it baring down. I’ve got some starter tips, but as with all long time issues, seeing a therapist or life coach will help most.
Start here:
Name it to tame it. Start noticing when you fall prey to comparison. Pause, remind yourself of why you are authentic in that area, and speak aloud a compliment to yourself. Currently, I am living a new normal. When I start to look back on the good old days and notice old friends who can still keep up with things I’m not able to, I shake it off, remind myself of my authentic self, and tell myself how great I am at…
Learn New Skills: Comparison creeps in when we get stagnant. Trying new things helps us stay alert and on fire. Currently, I’m learning Spanish on a free platform. It keeps track of my progress and I feel great about the learning.
Stay on Track: Write down all the things you have accomplished since you were young. Nothing is to small. Read the list often and take pride in your accomplishments. Add to this list monthly. Read it weekly. I do this in a notebook given to me by a best friend. It gives me joy to add to the book and read the writings from days past.
Remember – Comparison is an act of violence against the self. – Iyanla Vanzant